Domestic Abuse

Domestic Abuse can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:

1. Physical abuse– the most recognisable form of abuse. It can range from a slap or a shove to a black eye, cut lip, broken bone. In the most extreme cases it can result in death. Over time, the violence usually gets worse.
2. Sexual abuse –using force or threats to make someone have sex or perform sexual acts someone is uncomfortable with.
3. Emotional abuse– including mental torture, blackmail, threats to disown someone or kill their children, controlling someone or not letting them out of their home on their own, or contact their family or friends or to have access to money or obtain a job of their choice.
4. Financial abuse– including someone taking their money; stopping them from working; placing all bills and debts in their name; or monitoring how they spend money and other financial resources.
5. Psychological abuse –leaving a violent partner may not end the abuse and it may get worse. Most stalkers are ex-partners.

Prevalence. According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS) about 4.2% of men and 7.9 % of women suffer domestic abuse in the UK during 2018. This equates to about 685,000 male victims and 1,300,000 women.

Most children will be affected in some way by what they see, hear or know about. They may feel angry, guilty, alone, frightened or powerless. This might show up as anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, bed wetting, self-harm or problems at school. Children could learn behaviours they see in their family members; they might learn that violence is an acceptable form of behaviour.

Long term effects often include poor educational attainment, anti-social behaviour, youth offending, high levels of teenage pregnancy, and alcohol and drug misuse. As children become adults, they are more prone to becoming victims or perpetrators themselves.  Victims living with domestic abuse are often unable to protect their children from the direct and indirect effects of abuse, despite their best efforts.

Domestic abuse is a significant child protection issue and is seen as one of the main causes of risk to the safety of children. In 90% of cases, children were in the same or the next room, and in 50% of cases, children were directly abused.

Possible indicators of domestic abuse

A perpetrator of abuse doesn’t ‘look’ a certain way. Anyone, of any wealth, from any background, could be a perpetrator of domestic abuse. There is not one way that a perpetrator behaves so that you are be able to ‘spot’ their abusive behaviour, but there are certain indicators that should encourage you to have a discussion with the victim of the abuse, in a safe environment, separately from the suspected perpetrator.

Here are some possible indicators that abuse may be occurring. Please note, this is not an exhaustive list and where you have a gut instinct that abuse is taking place, don’t ignore it:​

• Are there injuries?
• Is the suspected perpetrator jealous and possessive?
• Do they humiliate or insult their partner/family member in front of you/others?
• Do they cut their partner/family member off from family and friends and try to isolate them? Do they prevent them from attending your appointments?
• Are they charming one minute and abusive the next? Do they have sudden changes of mood, like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
• Do they control their partner’s/family member’s life, e.g. their money, who they see, what they should wear?
• Do they allow their partner/family member to speak at your appointments?
• Are you ever allowed to speak to the partner/family member on their own?
• Do they monitor their partner’s/family member’s movements?
• Does the suspected perpetrator consistently call/text whilst your appointment is taking place?
• Do they constantly criticise their partner/family member?
• Do they blame their partner/family member for the abuse?
• Do they verbally abuse their partner/family member?
• Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten their partner/family member and make them comply with demands?
• Do they tell their partner/family member they are useless and couldn’t cope without the suspected perpetrator?
• Has the suspected perpetrator threatened to hurt their partner/family member or people close to them if they leave?
• Does the partner/family member change their behaviour to avoid making the suspected perpetrator angry?
• Do they force or coerce their partner/family member to have sex?

Domestic Abuse Disclosure Scheme – Clare’s Law

The aim of Clare’s Law is to help people to make a more informed decision on whether to continue a relationship and provide help and support when making that choice; or have recently separated. You can find out more here: Request information under Clare’s Law: Make a Domestic Abuse Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Metropolitan Police 

What’s the difference between a normal family argument and domestic abuse?

Sometimes people say things to each other in an argument that are mean and hurtful. But there’s a difference between a normal argument and domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is when a person is trying to control the other person by being repeatedly abusive and sometimes violent towards them. For further information on Family problems see the NSPCC website.